I was asked what I found attractive the other day. Kind of a strange question, but if you really think about it, it’s tough to answer. Some people would immediately resort to eye color, body type, hair color, and whatever else shallow people think of. While thinking of my answer, this question triggered me to think about what I’ve been teaching myself to do over the past year. Which is simply to love myself. It’s important to love yourself, because it can teach you what love is actually supposed to feel like. Instead of just falling for someone and worrying about what they do and revolving your time around them, why not revolve around your own life? Wouldn’t that make way more sense? I used to make this mistake, I put my relationships before myself and watched my life spiral down. I wasn’t happy, just simply comfortable with the idea that I was “in love”. Truthfully, that wasn’t love, that was just infatuation. I learned my lesson and know that after hitting that low point, I will never be weak again and will always put myself first before any relationship. Once you learn to love who you actually are, you can understand how you should make it work with someone else by your side. When this time comes for me I hope to encourage my someone to love themselves everyday and help them grow, as I hope they do for me. I think it’s better to start this process alone and then be able to work at it along with someone else. This will obviously be trial and error because finding that other person may not be easy. If they don’t work on themselves before they find you, they may expect different things than you do. I loved a quote that said, “Find yourself, find God, then come find me.” It’s the idea to make ourselves and what matters to us the main priority. This doesn’t mean in any way to be completely selfish and greedy or passive, duh. Obviously treat all with respect and try to radiate positivity. When you are happy toward yourself and others it benefits everyone. Sounds difficult especially on rough days, but that’s why you should think highly of yourself and surround yourself with good people. One of my favorite quotes is, “If you want to provide the light for others, you have to glow yourself.” Caring about your own well-being, your own path and your own goals makes you a strong individual. Also helps you become independent, which is a huge thing. Compared to those that lean on others, care too much about what everyone else is doing and such, it makes a person stand out. To answer the question, I think the most attractive thing a person can do/be/have is have confidence in themselves, believe in their potential and to work on personal growth before working on finding someone to attempt to do it all for them. But honestly, why care about what others think about you? Live life for yourself, when the right person crosses your path, “what’s attractive?” won’t matter. Love yourself for you, and so will everyone else.
Today was tough. I battled with myself all day. I think I woke up emotional… but piling on an eleven hour shift was not the greatest idea. I’m also being dramatic because I’m so unbelievably tired that I could fall asleep standing up. I constantly try to be the best, try to get the most recognition and try to please everyone that crosses my path. Unfortunately in the restaurant industry the chances of achieving those personal goals are slim to none. I came across plenty of negative energies that I rarely let affect me, but today, I couldn’t fight it.I felt like anything I did wasn’t how I wanted it. I tried to stay positive in even the crappiest of situations, but nope.. my mind wouldn’t let me shake it off. I constantly find myself wanting the very best and nothing less for myself and those surrounding me. But sometimes, I need to relax and understand that the world is not perfect, everyday is not perfect and that it’s okay to have a not so great day. The most important thing is to remember that it’s not the end of the world, it’s okay to not be perfect and it’s better to aim for somewhat realistic goals. I realized all of this after reading a verse that said, “Be patient. God isn’t finished with you yet. (Philippians 1:6)”. Simply reminded myself that I’m young, I’m still learning something new everyday and trying to do everything perfect is ridiculous when we aren’t perfect people. We are changing, growing and just seeing a glimpse of what we have the potential to be. I’m not sure if anyone else struggles with “perfection” issues, but if in deed you do… Just remember that you are a piece of art getting worked on each and every day, have faith in yourself and let go of the failures, learn from them. You are actually good enough.
As I grow older each day, wiser each year, and constantly learn new things, I never thought that I would forget something so important to myself. Not necessarily forget, but more over-look or put on the back burner. I attended a ceremony in a Church that I grew up in and just the act of walking through the doors sent me back in time. Back to when I learned about faith and what it meant to have God within my life. Listening to the Pastor speak about life events and how important it is to keep God in heart, mind and spirit made me remember the importance of my own faith. To each their own and keeping an open mind has always been important to me. But I just wanted to share my realization and the direction I plan to move forward.
These past couple months I’ve learned more about myself than I ever have before. Learning to love myself, my peers, and having a positive outlook in every situation. I’m setting more goals for myself as each day passes and working to reach them through everything I do. I’ve gained more respect for myself mentally, physically and have been confident in my skin. Through the process of growing up, you face questions that may never be fully answered.. the hardest one is simply who am I? Taking a step back from the daily schedule and truthfully looking for yourself, your purpose and what your consciousness actually means is…. well it’s a lot. But right now, being twenty, being single, and being free has taught me to take everything in a little bit deeper. We as young adults get asked too often, what do you want to do with your life? Honestly, in my opinion, right now isn’t the time to know that answer, instead right now is to learn how to truly be alone, to thrive in the moment and live each day to the fullest. Learning from each experience and running with the possibilities. I’m writing this simply to tell you that even though there are tough times as we become adults, it’s just another stepping stone to the person you are meant to become. Learn to love yourself and to love the moments we have right now.
Normally on Valentine’s Day I’d have something planned like dinner, maybe a vacation, and over spend on a stupid gift for my Valentine. This year is different, I’m single, I don’t care about planning things and I have no desire to spend a bunch of money. Oh and I am my own Valentine! Lol; So my Valentine’s Day is as simple as this: wake up, take a bath, get ready for work, get a coffee and head down to a crazy new restaurant on the busiest day of the year! And I’m excited about it! I have nobody to please or entertain with cheesy lovey stuff, I don’t have to do anything! Instead I get to treat myself, get ready for myself and go about my day knowing that this is the one year I can truly say I love myself. Plus I’m pretty much the best Valentine a person could ask for, so I’m super lucky to have simply myself. As I look in the mirror I feel proud of who I have become and accept all the changes that have been made; there’s no better feeling. So happy Valentine’s Day to all you couple things, but more importantly to you singles that are learning to love yourself one day at a time!
As I embrace the changes I’ve made, I’m learning to appreciate my roots, my past, my demons and look forward to a new beginning.
Since November I have changed the people I surround myself with. I have new people that have a positive impact on not only me, but the world. They are ambitious, kind and honest. I’m thankful for each day I get to spend with them. My best friend Emma has been my friend for years, but now we are closer than ever and I’m beyond thankful for her!
As for boys, I try to avoid the question of “are you seeing anyone?” But honestly I’m asked it almost everyday. The truth is no I’m not “seeing anyone”. But I am lucky to have a wonderful guy in my life that keeps me motivated and makes me smile everyday; we are close friends and I don’t know what I would do without him.
I moved out of my little apartment on 6th avenue. It was hard for me because it was the one place that was ALL MINE. I answered to nobody and could do what I wanted. I decided to move home with my parents and sister. I want to save money and focus on school. Being twenty years old, I want to buckle down, continue my education and get into my career path in the next couple years. It’s been interesting, drama filled and it’s only been a month, but I have high hopes for the future and my room is pretty cool!
I have died my hair brown…. Dark. I like it; the main reason I decided to change it so drastically was because I just didn’t feel like the blonde suited me anymore. I don’t feel like the same person I did 5 months ago and one of my main goals now is to love myself, inside and out.
Speaking of loving myself. I know that sounds ridiculous, or like the Justin Bieber song that comes on every 5 minutes, but it’s the truest statement I know. In the past I have put so much effort into others and cared so much that I forgot to care about myself and how I felt. Now I wake up in the morning, get ready, do my make up how I want to, and I look good for myself, nobody else. I still obviously care for others a lot, but I’m trying to remind myself that self care is key.
I got a new car! It’s so cute; I actually got it on my birthday in December, but its still new to me. It’s 2006 Honda Accord and so fun to drive around!
I also got a new job; I work at the Wildfin American Grill in Tacoma, down on the beautiful waterfront. It’s so much fun and I have met a lot of great people along with new skills.
That’s pretty much it, I’m working on blooming each day, growing, learning and listening. Thankful for the changes and embracing the new beginning.
Not only have I changed my outlook on life but I’m working on changing its contents. For example, my blog. I used to write about love, relationships, and other dumb things like that. I have decided to delete my past and move forward with an open mind and open heart. I plan to rebuild my blog with current life battles we face as college kids living in the crazy society that we do. I have missed writing, but honestly couldn’t find the motivation to write about anything. Now my mindset has changed and I feel like a new me.
I do not regret my past or anything at all for that matter. I want to accept the changes and become a stronger person to take on life one day at a time. Hope you readers stay tuned! photo:6th ave farmers market; tacoma washington